Day: March 9, 2023

Helping Families and Colleagues through Grief

When you take a look at the symptoms of grief, it is easy to see how grief will impact all areas of a person’s life. The symptoms of grief do not stop when a person walks into work. And because people move through grief at their own pace, the impact could be long-lasting.

Lack of sleep and confusion could lead to poor decision-making or inattentiveness. There is very little room in early learning environments for either outcome, so it is vital for program leaders to understand the impact of grief and become skilled at helping employees and families access the support that they need.  Here is a resource that offers additional information.

One of the most important recommendations for helping someone who is grieving is to listen. Maybe they need to talk about how they are feeling or maybe telling a story about their loved one is comforting for them.  Unfortunately, conversations about death can make us feel very uncomfortable. They can trigger feelings of grief in us that we are not prepared to experience in the workplace.  In some cases, not knowing what to say can cause us to say something unintentionally dismissive.  Ultimately, we don’t want to see other people in pain and want to fix it.  Alas, there is little we can do to fix the situation and we are left with listening.

When talking with a person who is grieving, it is appropriate to offer your apology for the loss.  However, it is recommended that you keep your personal or spiritual/religious beliefs about death to yourself.

Be sure to provide resources that colleagues and families can access. If the program experiences the loss of a teacher or child, consider offering company-sponsored counseling for anyone who wants to take advantage of the services.

Share information about support groups and hotlines that adults can access if they would like to reach out for additional support.  Here is some additional information.

Hospitals and religious organizations within the community often provide grief support resources as you can see in the example here.  There are also many resources available online.

Please Note: Much of what we have covered here has dealt with the death of a loved one. There are many experiences that could fall into the category of loss beyond the death of a loved one.

For the main article Grief and Loss, CLICK HERE

For the article Experiencing Grief, CLICK HERE

For the article Children’s Understanding of Loss and Grief, CLICK HERE

For the article Strategies to Support Children Who Have Experienced Loss, CLICK HERE

Strategies to Support Children Who Have Experienced Loss

Children who experience loss may go through periods of regression, which occurs when they lose skills they had previously learned.  For example, a child who experiences grief may begin to wet the bed or suck their thumb.  Educators should recognize that this is a typical response to loss and work gently with the child and family to regain lost skills.

A child experiencing grief is part of a family that is experiencing grief.  Educators must be aware that family members are going through their own emotional and physical journey through grief and may not be able to provide everything that the child needs. Consider increasing touchpoints with the child to be sure that their basic needs are being met and increase the amount of relationship-building interactions you have with the child. Much has changed for the child and they need to form and maintain strong, trusting relationships with the adults in their life.

Offer flexible snacks and meals for the child as their appetite may be impacted by the loss. They may not be hungry at the times meals are offered but still need to have access to nutritious meals and snacks. The same consideration could be applied to rest schedules.

Maintain a predictable routine that sends a message of security and can decrease anxiety.

Talk with the family about the language they prefer to use when talking with the child about the loss. It may be necessary to clarify some language to make it developmentally appropriate for the child’s level of understanding.

Most experts on this topic agree that adults should speak with children as directly as possible about death. Using the word “died” rather than saying they “passed,” “moved on,” “went to sleep,” etc. can help children who tend to think more literally. Think about how the words “moved on” and “went to sleep” might be misinterpreted by a young, concrete thinker. Using direct language can help children understand the reality of the situation and can lessen the likelihood they will begin to associate fear with moving or falling asleep.

Encourage the child to express their feeling through language and art. Let them know that you are there to listen to them if they want to tell a story about their loved one. Provide materials the child can use, such as a private journal, to draw pictures or write about their feelings.

For the main article Grief and Loss, CLICK HERE

For the article Experiencing Loss, CLICK HERE

For the article Children’s Understanding of Loss and Grief, CLICK HERE

For the article Helping Families and Colleagues through Grief, CLICK HERE

Experiencing Grief

When thinking about grief, it is important to note that everyone’s journey through grief is unique. There are both physical and emotional symptoms that occur and reoccur along that path. There are no steps to follow to definitively come to the end of the grieving process.  You may be familiar with the stages of grief identified by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in the 1960s:

• Denial – a protective mechanism employed to shield against the pain of the loss.
• Anger – often aimed at medical professionals, family members, higher powers, or even the person who has died.
• Bargaining – the desire to go back in time or to “wake up” from the painful dream related to the loss.
• Depression – deep sadness and withdrawal from ordinary life experiences.
• Acceptance – coming to terms with the facts of the situation.

The way the stages are organized makes it seem like these are the neat and clean stages that one should move through to process grief. This is a myth.  People move in and out of these responses to loss, but it is good to have these responses defined and more deeply understood.

David Kessler, who worked with Kübler-Ross has since published a book called Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief that expands on the original work and helps clear up some of the misconceptions about grief and loss.

Physical symptoms of grief include:

• Fatigue
• Insomnia
• Weight loss or weight gain
• Restlessness or long periods of inactivity
• Body pain
• Headaches
• Digestive issues

Notice the contradictory symptoms, which illustrate the fact that people experience grief differently.

Emotional symptoms include:

• Inability to concentrate
• Memory difficulties
• Confusion
• Irritability
• Guilt
• Fear
• Anger
• Anxiety
• Depression

Children can experience similar physical and emotional symptoms, however their understanding of the loss may be much different.

For the main article Grief and Loss, CLICK HERE

For the article Children’s Understanding of Loss and Grief, CLICK HERE

For the article Strategies to Support Children Who Have Experienced Loss, CLICK HERE

For the article Helping Families and Colleagues through Grief, CLICK HERE

Children’s Understanding of Loss and Grief

There are a number of developmental milestones that factor into a child’s understanding of loss.

The first of which is the concept of object permanence, or the understanding that someone or something exists, even when the person or object is not present.  This understanding emerges in the first year of life.

Another factor that plays a role in children’s understanding of loss is the concept of time. Children do not experience time the same way adults do. Children may have difficulty grasping the fact that the death of a loved one is permanent.

Piaget used the term animism in his work to describe children’s tendency to assign human feelings and actions to inanimate objects. Children may ask questions about how their loved one will eat or watch television now that they are no longer living.

Young children often engage in magical thinking when faced with a loss. They may believe that if they do something, or act in a certain way, the person who has passed away will return.  The egocentric nature of young children could cause them to believe that they are the cause of the loss. For example, if they had been a “good boy” the person would still be with them.

As children develop into their school-age years, they reach new levels of understanding related to loss:

• Irreversibility is the understanding that death is permanent and cannot be reversed.
• Causality refers to the understanding of factors that caused the death of a loved one versus the egocentric belief that the child caused the death.
• Nonfunctionality is the realization that a loved one who has passed away no longer drives a car or needs to eat lunch.
• Universality is the understanding that everything alive will someday die.

These skills emerge as children move into more abstract ways of thinking.

A child’s prior experience with loss can also impact how they experience grief, as can their relationships and interactions with peers and family members.

For the main article Grief and Loss, CLICK HERE

For the article Experiencing Grief, CLICK HERE

For the article Strategies to Support Children Who Have Experienced Loss, CLICK HERE

For the article Helping Families and Colleagues through Grief, CLICK HERE

Grief and Loss

Thinking back on the past few years, it seemed appropriate to dedicate some newsletter space to the concepts of grief and loss. COVID-19’s global impact is something we will feel for many years to come. Whether children and families experienced the loss of a loved one or the loss of a job or their home, they are likely going through the grieving process.

Grief is the emotional response to loss.  Everyone reacts differently to loss and children tend to experience grief differently from adults.

To fully support children and families, it is important for early care and education professionals to gain an understanding of grief and the different types of loss that can trigger grief. This is an uncomfortable topic and it can bring up a lot of emotions for educators who have experienced loss as well. It is important that educators seek support and information about grief and loss so that they are prepared to support the children in their care and their families.

We hope that this newsletter and our free trial course for the month of March can be part of that learning journey for educators.

For the article Experiencing Grief, CLICK HERE

For the article Children’s Understanding of Loss and Grief, CLICK HERE

For the article Strategies to Support Children Who Have Experienced Loss, CLICK HERE

For the article Helping Families and Colleagues through Grief, CLICK HERE